THE GURU MASTERCLASS: Writing an SEO Blog Post

THE GURU is our resident SEO expert. Each week, he contributes some hot insider SEO tips to keep you abreast of the latest SEO trends and best practice protocol things.

So! Well let me first start by saying it's great to be a part of the team here at SEO Disaster! It's a great bunch of people here at the office in downtown Paolo Alto. Just yesterday we had lunch and coffee with the TechCrunch guys, it was great!

No really, we ARE in downtown Paolo Alto. We really are. Under no circumstances are we in someone's mom's basement!

So my first post then, and we're going to look at how to write an SEO blog post. But first, let's look at why you might want to do this:-

1. A blog post can have links back to your 0wn site, as many times as you like. And as any dog worth his $99.99 SEO training can tell you, links are important!
2. A post on a blog will show off how much you know about SEO! Which, as any dog worth his $99.99 SEO training can tell you, is everything!

As a dog, I like to hang out and not really do very much, except when there's stuff do do, in which case I really enjoy doing it.

Blogging helps me fill in some of that downtime, and it's a great way to network and make new connections. It's largely thanks to blogging that I charge clients $125/hour.

Here are my Twenty Golden Rules for writing an effective SEO Blog Post:-

1. Lists are great. People like lists, because they don't have to read the whole page - they just scan the first word or two of
2. each item
3. on the list. So make your list items punchy and relevant.
4. Never start a post saying you have "Twenty Golden Rules" for something if you seriously doubt you will be able to think up that many
5. Keyword Stuffing! Remember to SEO stuff your Optimisation sentences with as PPC many unecessary SEO keywords as possible. Screw the reader, these days we write for search engines baby!
6. The goal of any SEO-related blog post is not to pass on information. Therefore always make sure you are saying something that's been said before, but in a slightly different way so that you can claim it as something original.
7. The purpose of any SEO-related blog posting is not to disseminate knowledge. So always ensure you are reiterating that which has already been said, albeit with subtle changes here and there, so that it appears as though you wrote it.
8. Without exception, ALL blog posts about anything to do with SEO must include links to WordTracker Keyword Tool, the SEO Chat Forums, and Google Analytics. Nobody knows why this is the case, it just is.
9. Always imply that you know more than you're letting on -- by using meaningless phrases like "I'll leave you to work that out for yourselves!"
10. Conversely, if there's something that you really don't know, imply that you do -- by using the phrase "I'll cover that in a future blog post."
11. The second you post your blog, remember to send it as an article to as many of the Article Submission services as you possibly can. It is very important to do this straight away -- your content must absolutely not be exclusive to your blog. If it was, your readers would feel special, and that's the last thing anyone wants.
12. Your blog doesn't have readers -- it has prospects. You are only communicating for the purpose of selling, and I know that because I am an experienced senior SEO consultant with 4 years experience in a variety of industries and disciplines, $125/hr Paolo Alto area only.

Well, there you go! That's my first blog post, on how to write an SEO blog post!

There's loads more I know about SEO, but I'll cover that in a future blog post!!!!!

Guru out! X0D

SEO Guy Suddenly Realises Marketing Possibility Of Twitter

New York, NY - The online marketing world is reeling after the shock chance discovery by a SEO 'professional' that popular social networking site Twitter can be used for marketing purposes.

Ian Molby, 32, has worked in the Search Industry for about eight and a half months, which makes him one of the industry's longest-serving practicioners.

"I couldn't believe it, the idea just came to me," said Molby over Skype on his iPhone. "Twitter is a phenomenon, you have all these people following other people."

"As an experienced SEO professional, it's important to be on top of new web trends and technologies like Twitter. I first heard about it on Oprah."

"So it struck me. All I need to do is set up a profile, and send out bit.ly links to my blog posts each time I slightly rehash them. Then all you need is an audience, so what I've diligently been doing these past few days, is Following every single person who follows Britney Spears, Stephen Fry, Oprah."

"Some of the people I follow will reciprocate and follow me -- some of those will require SEO services -- and some of those will look at one of my blog posts at one time or another. It's a numbers game."

"I guess so far I've spent about 1,000 hours doing this. But hey, if I get one project out of this that pays me $1,000 then it's all worth it."

Alphabetti Spaghetti Company Has Difficulty Choosing Keywords

Houston, TX - The world of foundations was shaken to its Aphabetti Spaghetti yesterday, following the collapse of a top-level meeting that analysts hoped would produce an SEO framework.

Management met with members of the SEO community to develop a cohesive and forward-looking Optimisation strategy for the floundering company. Bosses were said to be unhappy that recent months have seen the #1 Google position on a search for "alphabetti spaghetti" going to the popular 'LOLcat' site "Cats Eating Alphabetti Spaghetti And Unwittingly Spelling Movie Spoilers."

SEO Analyst Richard Potter, of Paolo Alto SEO firm Serious Search Results Ninjas, said that the decision of Alphabetti Spaghetti to revisit its search ranking strategy came at an ironic time.

"It's funny, because lately the SEO industry has found it harder and harder to be competitive. Keywords are hard to think up, and it takes a lot of time to work out which ones you're going to target in a campaign.

"So lately, what myself and some of the other Ninjas have been doing, is cooking up some Alphabetti Spaghetti and selecting keywords at random.

"Clients are none the wiser -- it saves us a lot of time. Our Twittering is through the roof."

A study by Dr. Dave Kitson of the New York SEO Forum in April 2009 confirmed that forming strategic keyword initiatives based on plucking letters from Alphabetti Spaghetti was at least 113% more effective than doing so using KEI.